June 20th-June 28th: Hamburg, Amsterdam, Rotterdam

For latecomers:

A recap.

I’m in Europe.

I’m socially inept and all sorts of insecure.

This is my blog.

SO.

First I went to Hamburg very briefly.

The hamburger did not come from Hamburg.

I had a Donnar that was the size of my head.

I took a very pleasant walking tour that ended in a miniature world museum

It was several countries portrayed with little figures/figurines/toys.

…What? That sounds totally lame.

NO! IT WAS AWESOME!

There are little trains that move, little cars that change lanes, a little concert where the musicians dance, the lights change from day to night, (basically everything we experience in life BUT SMALLER) (BUT SMALLER) (BUT SMALLER) (BBALLSINFACE!)

For some reason I had booked a Pub Crawl for the following night (in Amsterdam) but there was a Pub Crawl that night in Hamburg.

If you ask anyone, “Who’s the Pub Crawl Champion”

He, She or It will probably say “What the fuck are you talking about?”

But if you ask me-I’d say, “ME!”

So I went on this Hamburg Pub Crawl.

It consisted of 6 guys and 2 girls…

And out of those there was ‘a couple’.

C’mon guys, it’s 2012.

It was probably the most subdued pub crawl in the history of pub crawls (est. 198 BC)

It did, however, lead to KARAOKE

(I’m…getting…tired…of…piano man….) (Must…do…10…times) (I think I’m at 6?)

I’m very scattered but we have a lot to cover.

Hamburg has a little Red Light District (Prostitutes stand in a window with a red florescent light above)

Unlike Amsterdam (where it is all over the place) the RLD in Hamburg is a small street where women are not allowed to go or they get buckets of water thrown on them.

(That last sentence came off as: one of these two things are true:

1. Women are not allowed in the Hamburg Red Light District

OR

      2. Women get buckets of water thrown on them)

(You know what I meant)

Another difference between the Amsterdam RLD and Hamburg RLD is that Hamburg, along with the ones in the windows, has women in the streets. You can recognize them by their tantalizing fanny…

packs. They all have fanny packs.

Now, I’ve never been in anything like a RLD and it is surreal. Like the first time (and 3^{rd, 7th} and 12^th) time I went to a strip club-I regressed to a 12-year-old mid-pubescent boy + I giggled a lot.

Also-I have a bad habit of saying “Oh-I’m sorry-I have to go meet a friend-and then I’ll come right back” instead of “No thank you”

So somewhere in Hamburg there are about 32 prostitutes waiting for my friend and me.

32? BS.

No. There’s 100’s! Aside from the one lady of the night that grabbed my right moob (after which I giggled while sprinting for my life) here are two choice conversations.

(Before I knew I was in the Red Light District)

Candy: Hi

Gianmarco: Oh, Hello!

Candy: How are you?

Gianmarco: Very good, how are you?

Candy: Better now that you’re here.

Gianmarco: Oh, thank you very much. That’s very kind

Candy: Where are you from?

Gianmarco: New York City.

Candy: Really?

Gianmarco: Yeah! I love it there. Have you ever-

Candy: Wanna fuck me for 50 euro?

Gianmarco:

Candy: Whatever you want? Yeah, baby?

Gianmarco: That sounds really great…It’s just, I’m meeting a friend over there (pointing in a direction I did not intend to go but now I must) I’ll be right back.

Candy: You’ll come right back?

Gianmarco: Of course!

2^nd time:

(after being approached too many times, my politeness waning)

Joanna: Hey-

Gianmarco: No money, no money. I’m a poor student.

(grabbing me)

Joanna: Listen-

Gianmarco: I have to go meet-

Joanna: Sh. Just listen. What do you want right now? More than anything else.

Gianmarco: A nap.

So that was Hamburg.

And then

XXXAMSTERDAMXXX

So I thought it would be ingenious to write my Amsterdam entry as if I was really, really-

Well,

As if I had spent a little bit too much time at the coffee shops

Then I thought: Why only as if?

Here we go. Stream of Consciousness. I won’t edit this later:

So I went to the anne frank museum. That fuked me up.

It mostely was the pictures in the beginning of the sxhibit. They are a square of four pictures that I think Anne took for (aren’t you  impressed I can still capitalize the right word?????) passport purposes. That fucked me up. (SPELT IT RIGH TTHIS TIME)

The other time I got sad was when Anne-I mean, when I was on this walking tour-these bells rang and the tourguide said those are the bells that Anne talkes about that give her hope for the future-and I didn’t even remember that part but kind remembered passages like that and I started crying

It’s such a surreal experience to read a non-fiction and then confront it is non-fictional. Like, If you read one book. If you read one book that’s fictional and one non-fictional in a way they are equally true. The knowledge that one account is real doesn’t change (I think) the emotions the tale incites. Actually walking into Anne’s house was a surreal experience. That could be in theater?-maybe a book the set’s up a play-make that book a bestseller then the show is sold out!

I had the best burger two nights ago

It was this 20 gram/km/something Japanese beef-hamburger

But I added

Fried egg

Onions

Jalepenos

Avacado

Bacon

Mushroom(theregularkind)

So good

Not exactly a dollar menu option.

I’m so hungry but I don’t want to move

Torture museum stunk-it was ro- nevermindn I was about to say a bad joke

It was torturous –ROFLMZ!

Cannabis museum stank

The sexshow-the live…something show? Pretty cool. Cant write about it here. I volunteered.

Ksanfeo

How fst can I type the alphabet

Ready set

Go

Abcdefghjikm

FUCK

Abcdefghjijklm

GODD AMM-

ABCDEFGHJIKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

I DID I---NO I MESSED UP THE HJI!

ABCDEFGHJIK

NO

ABCDEFGHJI

ABCDEFGHJ

WTF

AV

DAMMIT

ABCDEFGHJI

AHHHH

ABCCD

…

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

YES

VICTORY

I’m back

Victory.

My muscles are dancing

I want that burguer

And fries

And dietcoke

Coke light as they called it here

I heard they used light because in some languaged diet means ‘god’ so it was god coke

I love diet coke but god coke is a little presumptuous

This person next ome just showed me that you an make the keys-the lights behind the keys brighter or lessbrgither. Woah

I bought some sneakers

Mine were wrose for wear

(what’s better for wear exactly?)

these sneakers are so beautiful I don’t want to wear them=-I’ll mess it up.

I’m listening to Bertrand Russell on my iphone-ki’m not smart

I need burger

Gonna go.

Thank you

Thank you

I saw an OSCAR STATUE TODAY!

Daniel Day Lewis

And that’s as far as I got before I started to eat a hamburger and fell asleep midbite.

There’s so much to say about Amsterdam and so much I shouldn’t say.

BUT.

I visited

Anne Frank House (and I was a fucking mess)

Van Gough Museum

Sex Museum (NYC’s is the winner so far)

Heineken Experience

Ultimate Party Pub Crawl

Cannabis Museum (F-)

Casa Rossa (A live sex show-where one performer put a permanent marker in her hoo-hah and drew the words “Bad Boy” on my tummy)

Wok on Wok (2 times)

Bob’s Burgers (3 times)

Maoz (3 times…even though there are plenty in NYC. The company that makes Maoz (is that what it’s called?) also created Wok on Wok and Bob’s Burgers) Geniuses)(Don’t know how many parenthesis to end this with))))

Well-I’m in Rotterdam now (I canceled The Hague and Brussels cuz I do what I wants.)

I went on the worst walking tour in the history of walking tours (est. 69 BCE)

I met a couple of philosophers that are Grad students in Canada.

WOAH

We will be traveling to the Hague for a daytrip today….cuz I do what I wants

If last night is any indication-I will spend most of the day listening and feeling intellectually inadequate.

THAT’S MY KIND OF DAY!

Tomorrow: Brugge

 I watched the movie last week. 

Not sure if I Brugge right.

Not gonna check.

I BOUGHT SOME NEW SHOES! THEY ARE RAINBOW NIKES!

That's all,

Thank you for reading,

Like holding your breath does for your appreciation of air

Traveling alone has made me miss you like HOLY SHIT!,

Me.

June 16th-June 20th: Berlin

 

What’s that 500-ish-person-karaoke-in-some-outdoor-roman-arena-type-venue-every-Sunday-in-Berlin?

I will have to wait 3 ½+ hours to perform Piano Man?

…

DONE.

I had Lena (a professional iPhone DP (is that the right film term?...not a movie star yet…)) record it and am debating putting it up.

See…there’s this one section where I take the note up a fourth from the traditional interpretation (on “play us a ^SONG^, you’re the piano man)…

I went for it and it went up a 13^th (rough estimate) in a sort of strangled falsetto

Some people call this cracking.

I call it “My Voice Reaching For The Stars”

Someone did ask me out on a date after I performed so I couldn’t have cracked-cracked.

Right?

Right?

RIGHT!?!

Berlin was AWESOME! (Finally, a definitive adjective)

Like every new place, the first thought I have is:

“HOLY SHIT I DON’T KNOW ANYBODY, I’M SO LONELY, WHY AM I TRAVELLING, WHY IS BROADWAY STILL OPERATING WHEN I’M NOT IN NEW YORK, LIFE IS MEANINGLESS”

But I was wise enough to take the “Anti-Pub Crawl”

Now, for my Grandpa Jack J a Pub-Crawl is where you pay people to take you around to bars that you could have gotten in for free BUT between bars they give you a shot of 90% water 10% vodka.

The Anti-Pub Crawl…is pretty much the same thing BUT they took a small group (some of these things get up to 60-80 people…) to very non-touristy pubs (a grungy ping-pong pub, a goth pub, a heavy metal club, an absinthe pub, generic dance club!)

It was awesome and I met some amazing people! …and then they left the next day so I was back at

“HOLY SHIT! WHY AREN’T I THE NEW SPIDER MAN…” etc. etc. etc.

By the way, speaking of ‘non-touristy’

I don’t care if a place has a lot of tourists!

I am, in fact, a tourist and in that one respect I am not self-loathing.

SO.

My Berlin activities included:

Brewers 6-hour Walking Tour (Which was amazing! I misremember so many facts that I can’t wait to tell my 3 friends about when I get home! I saw a remaining chunk of the Berlin Wall, an abandoned building that is covered in graffiti and “The largest chocolate store in Europe”)

Ate a CurryWurst and a Donner/ar(sp?) in one sitting

Computer Museum (which is a fancy way of saying VIDEO GAME MUSEUM. Did I mention that I am amazing at Dance Dance Revolution? I am amazing at Dance Dance Revolution (relative to the 73 year old man who went before me). I love video games)

Dali Exhibit (I’m lying…I didn’t have the time. I went into the gift shop and sat on one of the Mae-West’s-Lips-couch (a plastic version…))

Some lights-sculpture exhibit that was in total darkness (well not total darkness…that would be a very lazy exhibit. Or maybe just very modern?)

The Topography of Terror (the best exhibition on Nazis/WWII along with the Documentation Museum in Nuremberg)

Watched Germany get into the top 8 of the Eurocup while eating a pretzel

Did pull-ups at a playground (German playgrounds are far superior to US)

Played Super Smash Bros. N64 at my hostel

Went to an abandoned warehouse electronic dance club and left after 20 minutes (Classic Gianmarco)

Overall, I’d say Berlin has been the only place I’ve been I could imagine living (possibly Rome as well…)

I’m off to Hamburg for 2 nights and then…

AMSTERDAM

The green is an arbitrary color choice.

I’m on the train now and I’ll surely be having my 314^th loneliness crisis in 2 hours but for now I am pleasant as a plumb.

Is that a phrase?

On the “WHAT IS GIANMARCO READING??” front

(By the way, is it just me or are these posts becoming increasingly incoherent?)

I finished the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (it’s only the first 12 short stories. I’mma do the whole collection when I’m back y’all)

I’m almost done with Diary of Anne Frank

I’m listening to Eddie Izzard’s Stand-up and Bertrand Russell’s “History of Western Philosophy” simultaneously.

I hope to, by the end of this trip, know everything.

I miss Mad Men.

When does Downtown Abbey start?

Thank you for reading,

I’m over the 1,000 mark…Next stop-1,016!

I miss you all to varying degrees depending on who you are

Love,

Like,

Indifferent,

Loath,

Sincerely,

Gianmarco Soresi   

Oh, and as I'm posting this-someone is masturbating in my room. On the top bunk. So much squeaking...

fol (f our lives) 

June 10th-June16th: Nuremberg and Dresden

I can’t stop eating.

If I can’t ‘do’ every country (as in see everything!) then I at least will attempt to ‘eat’ every country (this is all sounding vulgar)

There are two problems with trying to eat healthily on a eurotrip.

1. No one is famous for their lettuce.

What is Italy known for? Pasta, bread and wine. Germany? Sausages and Beer. France? Chocolate, bread, cheese and wine. And Horse. I can’t wait.

My point is-where the country that’s known for it’s salad!?! Maybe it exists but no one cares to visit it. “Dude, you gotta go to _______ it has the sickest celery EVER!”

2. When free food is offered, it is never cucumbers.

I’m not going to pretend that I’m being particularly frugal with food BUT if there is free food it will be in my stomach. But no one ever says, “Hey! I have this extra cucumber! Who wants it?” instead it is, as happened last night, “Hey, I got this big box of chocolate ice-cream tacos and I can’t eat them all.”

When someone offers you ice-cream in the shape of a taco-I mean, that’s why I came to Europe in the first place!

You must forgive me because I bought another book…

This one is worthy of purchase though!

I got the DEFINITIVE Diary of Anne Frank.

Imma finish it before Amsterdam and then visit the house and break down.

It already made me teary when Prim, Anne’s Dad, says—

Oops. It’s not Prim. It’s Pim. Where did I get Prim from?….

OH THAT’S RIGHT THE HUNGER GAMES!

Okay.

So Pim says to Anne, who is worrying about when the will need to go into hiding, “Don’t you worry. We’ll take care of everything. Just enjoy your carefree life while you can.”

It made me think of this carefree trip I’m on. Or as everyone tells me, “This trip is once in a lifetime! Make the most of it!”

That’s not a good thing to tell a neurotic person. That is the worst thing, in fact.

If people would just say to me, “Three months in Europe? That’s probably gonna suck.” Then I would truly have the time of my life.

So let’s seeeeeeee

Nuremburg was nice. I went to the Nazi Documentation Museum (which was HUMONGOUS).

Did you know that Mein Kampf was illegal to publish in Germany until recently?

NO YOU DIDN’T DON’T LIE.

It’s true.

I’m pretty sure.

Then there I saw a lot of the ex-“Nazi Rallying Ground” places, which is pretty much like looking at a stone floor and trying to ‘get’ that Hitler once stood there. It’s slightly surreal. 

One Nazi-built building has been converted into a Burger King.

Payback.

There are also very strict laws with regards to the Nazi salute. One tour guide told me it was something like $8,000 fine + kicked out of Germany for 8 years.

The fact that 8 appears twice in that description leads me to suspect my amounts are wrong-but it is something INTENSE. Ask that guy Marcin, he’s smart.

Then for a change of pace I went to THE TOY MUSEUM!

Much, much more cheerful. Until the section on Nazi-propaganda toys.

Fuck Nazis.

After Nuremberg I went to Dresden.

Dresden’s really cool! (I hate these vague summations)

I went to a museum called “The Hygiene Museum”

I could not convince anyone else to see this museum-it’s not just about hygiene!

It’s basically a ‘human body’ museum. Of course, the best section is the ‘human sexuality’ floor where I played a very-easy video game where my character, a Spanish man who was wearing an extraordinary large sombrero, made love with a very attractive Spanish woman who was wearing traditional Flamenco attire.

It struck me as a bit racist BUT you could opt to choose two men or two women as partners.

I didn’t mean that to sound like you could choose a threesome (that’s crazy progressive).

I meant like two dudes doing it and two flamenco dancers doing it.

I don’t know how those guys made love while keeping their absurdly large sombreros on their heads.

(I don’t really know what progressive means by the way)

Then I got a tour around the Volkswagon Glass Factory (Glass because the building is pretty much see-through.

It was extremely futuristic and if ‘the terminator’ ever gets built it will probably be here.

But. Their new cars’ chairs have a massage function built into them.

And you know seat warming? They have seat cooling.

Damn.

Did you notice I forgot an end parenthesis? Oh wait! I didn’t) (Bam)

The one sad part is this weekend there is a big music festival in Dresden.

How big?

Fred Fucking Durst is performing. (that's his middle name) 

The two bands touring Europe for whom I would drop everything to see are 

1. Coldplay

2. Blink 182

Coldplay is my substitute for a best friend on this trip. He really gets me.

 

I have been watching a lot of soccer.

I have learned that one goal = 1 point.

I will also be cheering for whatever country I’m in-it’s a version of a fair-weather-fan

It’s a if-I-cheer-for-a-team-playing-against-the-country-I’m-in -someone-is-going-to-kick-my-ass-fan

It is safe to say that I have

1. watched more soccer
2. consumed more beer
3. sung more karaoke

in the last monthish than my entire life.

Unless you consider the time I was in the ensemble of Guys and Dolls with a pre-recorded orchestra as a kind of mass-version of karaoke

Don’t know if I remembered to say but I added Dublin and Galway!

Then home...

Berlin is going to be awesome and I get to see Lena!

Be well,

As one poster said in the ‘human sexuality’ floor of the Hygeine Museum said,

“A Condom. I take one wherever I take my penis”,

Father’s day is coming up y’all-don’t forget,

Goodnight my someone goodnight,

GM

June 3rd-June 10th: Salzburg and Munchen

I’m on a train right now…

I’m pretty sure that this was one of the ones I had to make a reservation for…

No one has checked yet…I’m trying to blend in.

Why did I wear my purple SwetZ today. (my future sweat pants store is SwetZ)

I am leaving Munich and going to Nuremberg.

WHAT! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO WEIMAR!

I was-but I’m a fuckin’ badass and I do whatever the hell I want.

Speaking of Badass.

I FINISHED MOBY DICK!

It was fine.

It’s possible that reading two Hunger Games books in the middle of the final confrontation with Moby Dick killed the momentum a bit.

If I can find the first HG book at some book exchange, I think I’mma just read that again.

Unfortunately book exchanges almost always feature a mix of guidebooks in Korean and very worn copies of “Eat, Pray, Love”

I read some Sherlock Holmes as a pleasant denouement to my HG depression. Each chapter is quaint, light and soothingly pleasant.

Today I will move on to reading “Richard III” with a book called “The Year of the King” about a guy preparing to act “Richard III”. I’m just a wild and crazy guy.

Oh, I read the third Hitchhiker’s Guide book…meh.

Don’t worry. I’m not just reading. But it’s been like 7 days since last we chatted.

SO

Salzburg was quaint, light and soothingly pleasant. Strangely, I had my best Italian meal there at a place called Mangia and Vino (translation: Why Are We Here and Not In Italy?).

There was a high school group from Indiana of 15ish 18-year-old guys. There was no more alcohol in Salzburg after their visit. They had the misfortune of traveling with me on the:

Sound of Music bus tour!

Which was quaint, light and meh…I did get to sing through some of my “Some Enchanted Evening” repertoire. “Doe a Deer” is genius btdubs.

Literally and metaphorically around 30% of tourists come to Salzburg JUST because of the Sound of Music.

Also, almost NOBODY who lives in Salzburg has seen the film.

By the way, if YOU haven’t seen the film, SEE IT. That is the best musical-to-screen adaptation EVER. CAPS.

Second? Reefer Madness The Musical.

Third? (Singing in the Rain doesn’t count) Wait…Cabaret is actually no. 1.

I saw Liza Live in Brooklyn about 7 years ago!

Did I ever tell you the time that I danced down my stairs singing, “Singing in the Rain” and my Mom stopped me saying, “Gianmarco, you can tell me.”

…

FOCUS.

Okay.

Best part of Salzburg was going into the Salt Mines.

We went 6,000 km into the ground. It might be 600 km. Or 60. I have no idea what a km is.

We got to go down slides, see a light show IN A CAVE, and got a souvenir container of Salt.

You should have seen the struggle I just partook in trying to spell the word ‘souvenir’.

You know that you’re really off when Word has “No spelling suggestions” for your horrifically spelled word.

(Got off train. Got to hostel. My suitcase handle just snapped off. FUCK)

MUNICH

Lots of stuff to do. Stuff is the vaguest word ever created.

Lots of things to do. Less vague?

The best part was going on a tour of Dachau, which was a gigantic concentration camp that was around until the very end of the war. The gas chamber and the crematoriums were horrifying.

I had an incredible tour guide (which makes all the difference) named Marcin who has a website at http://www.marcinonabike.com/ check it out :0

Other places visited in Munich:

Augustiner Beer Garden (meat, meat, bear…beer, meat)

Science Museum (I was no where near smart enough to understand the exhibit on nanotechnology…or any of the other ones with some form of –ology…I couldn’t even find where the bathroom was)

English Garden (Basically Central Park*10. They even have a channel where people surf!)

Modern Art Museum (I don’t get Warhol. I. Don’t. Get. It.)

Pub Crawl (Oh wait…it was canceled because the tour guide broke his leg? I’ll go tomorrow)

Pub Crawl (Oh wait…it was canceled because people would rather watch soccer. SOCCER? ARE YOU KIDDING ME! SOCCER????)

Soccer is a really big deal here (Europe). Every game right now (Eurocup) is like the Superbowl*11. I’m gonna have to learn to love it.

Soccer and I have a poor history.

When I was forced to take soccer in 8^th grade-I was warned that I would receive a C+ for the semester (because I sat down if the ball was more than 10 feet away from me)

I got that shit up to a B-. I changed the proximity to 10 km. Whatever that means.

So I’m in Nuremberg for two days, Dresden for three and finally BERLIN!

While I have you-I want to start a series called “Meeting New People!”

Meeting New People!

 I have been forced to meet a lot of new people.!

Here are the three responses I’ve received to “I’m an actor”

Most Common:

GM: I’m an actor.

Stranger: Oh, what have you been in?

GM: Um…well have you seen….uh…did you happen to see Georgetown Day School’s production of “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”? I was in the ensemble.

Stranger: I thought that was you!

Only happened once with a very kind Korean girl:

GM: I’m an actor.

Yi: (That’s her name) WHAT! WHAT! YOU’RE AN ACTOR!

GM: …yeah.

Yi: THAT’S AWESOME! OH MY GOD! An Actor?!

GM: I haven’t been in anything really-

Yi: Still! THAT’S SO COOL! AN ACTOR! WOW!

(it should be noted that Yi and I are married now. I have 10 times as much self-worth. Still 0.)

Happened once…and still hurts today:

EvilLady: Where are you from, what do you do?

GM: I’m from New York City. I’m an actor.

EvilLady: Ugh, really? That’s so cliché.

yes.

Be well,

I’ll write sometime after Dresden if there are some more exciting stuff or things,

Don’t text while walking,

GM

May 30th-June 3rd: Prague and Hunger Games

So I had about 40 pages left to go in Moby Dick.

Then I decided I’d take a break with a chapter out of the second Hunger Games novel: “Catching Fire”.

It is a little bit over 48 hours later and I have just finished the third Hunger Games novel: “Mockingjay”.

Holy fuck.

That was amazing.

I’m sitting in a train-cubicle-thingie with tear-stained eyes trying to figure out whether I finish Moby Dick or just read Hunger Games all over again.

It’s incredible.

The struggle between the individual as leader of mankind and the individual as individual.

The truths underneath fame’s inherit falseness.

Entertainment’s inhumanness yet capacity to incite humanity.

If We Burn You Burn With Us versus Can’t We All Just Get Along

I’m a mess.

I swear Prague was great. It’s just hard to focus on anything else right now.

Finishing a series is like the end of a summer romance. Things were going really well. You knew the end was near. You hope you’ll stay in touch. Maybe you’ll meet up again (like an 8^th Harry Potter book!) but you know you won’t (There’s not gonna be an 8^th Harry Potter Book…but maybe! No. Maybe!....NO. maybe).

It’s the same with TV shows...when I finished Six Feet Under I was a depressed wreck.

I don’t know. I’m just really down and I want a hug.

The other person in my cubicle is asleep though…

Sorry. Had to switch cubicles. I hugged the sleeping guy and he was not digging it. Once he finishes “Mockingjay” he’ll regret it.

Alright. I’ll stop talking about it. But please read the series.

Then Harry Potter, then His Dark Materials (Golden Compass), then Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

I just read the last two chapters again. Still crying.

AH!

SO Prague

Prague was phenomenal.

I met three mates within the first 5 minutes there and we stuck it through to the end.

I don’t mean mates like people I have slept with.

It would be rather remarkable if I ran into 3 people I’d slept with at the same hostel at the same time…in Prague, Czech Republic.

Though, if there are an infinite of universes out there (like in Golden Compass!?) then ‘somewhere’ that has indeed occurred.

I’m sure that that Gianmarco is pretty, pretty surprised

and probably trying to arrange a foursome.

In none of those infinite universes is it going well.

(logical impossibility-like an impenetrable shield meeting a sword that can penetrate anything. Or three impenetrable shields meeting an average-at-best sword.)

I’m sorry.

I’m really tired.

I mean mates like Aussies! Lots of Australians traveling. I have a pretty good rep with the Australian population except for the fact that I think everyone from Melbourne might know each other. There’s actually a lot of people living there and not everyone who has worked in a movie theater knows a girl named Kasey.

The first store I went to should have been called, “everything in this store is probably illegal in America”

Absinthe, brass knuckles, very scary ninja stars, cubans and bears, Oh my!

I got a Cuban.

This purchase led to that surefire sign that you are on a real, live Eurotrip:

The first time you throw up in Prague.

Unpleasant? Sure but I never had a bar mitzvah and I need to frame my coming up age around some kind of event. It was either this or the 10^th time I sing Piano Man at a foreign Karaoke bar. I chose the slightly more visceral experience. Just slightly.

There are a bazillion (10 * 10^a lot) things to do in Prague.

I went to the church made out of 40,000 dead people’s bones.

I went to a beer tasting.

I went to a beer festival.

I learned that beer is cheaper than water in Prague and that there is a company in Prague called Budweiser that our Budweiser (me and the shareholders) stole the name from

I saw Don Giovanni performed by marionettes (that’s fancy talk for puppets)

I went to the Sex Machine Museum

I went to the Museum of New Art (MoMA-esque), which was actually much more pornographic than the Sex Machine Museum

I went to my 3^rd Dali Exhibit!

I went on a pub-crawl

I went to a five-story night club that had an ice bar (you put on silver jackets and mismatched gloves and drink very watery vodka shots out of glasses-made-of-ice)

I went to the Absinthe Museum. It’s not technically a museum so much as an overpriced bar but everything sounds classier with the word museum. The Gianmarco Museum. Boom.

Absinthe is…

Things I did not do

Skydiving. I don’t know if can do it! I got scared at the top of the disappointingly small Leaning Tower of Wow That’s Not Such a Big Deal-za. I was considering it and then someone showed me a video of an old lady skydiving who fell out of her harness and held on for dear life. I don’t know…maybe in Amsterdam.

Shooting Range. It was hella expensive or I would have done it. The only ‘sport’ trophy I have is for above average aiming skills. I’m sorta like Katniss Everdeen in THE HUNGER GAMES! 

Buy Charlie. That’s not a red-haired male prostitute who can dance real good. That’s coke. There are so few illegal things in Prague I thought I’d do my best to maintain social order. It should be noted, however, that I have been offered drugs only 57 times in my life. 56 times at 4 AM in last night and once at Driver’s Ed in Maryland.

See the “Naked Midgets Dancing in a Cage! 200 crown. C’mon man!”

Jeff: “200! That’s too expensive!”

“It’s free to leave!”

When I was offered that I knew it was time to go to sleep.

I’m very tired. I’m in a train to Salzburg. I’m lonely. I want Hunger Games to not be over. Ups and downs ups and downs ups and downs. Life. Love. Hunger Games.

There’s hidden text between this line and the next. Don’t highlight unless you’ve read HG.

“I tell him, ‘Real’”

Thank you for reading,

Gianmarco