I can’t stop eating.
If I can’t ‘do’ every country (as in see everything!) then I
at least will attempt to ‘eat’ every country (this is all sounding vulgar)
There are two problems with trying to eat healthily on a
eurotrip.
- No one is famous for their lettuce.
What is Italy known for? Pasta,
bread and wine. Germany? Sausages and Beer. France? Chocolate, bread, cheese
and wine. And Horse. I can’t wait.
My point is-where the country
that’s known for it’s salad!?! Maybe it exists but no one cares to visit it.
“Dude, you gotta go to _______ it has the sickest celery EVER!”
- When free food is offered, it is never cucumbers.
I’m not going to pretend that I’m
being particularly frugal with food BUT if there is free food it will be in my
stomach. But no one ever says, “Hey! I have this extra cucumber! Who wants it?”
instead it is, as happened last night, “Hey, I got this big box of chocolate
ice-cream tacos and I can’t eat them all.”
When someone offers you ice-cream
in the shape of a taco-I mean, that’s why I came to Europe in the first place!
You must forgive me because I bought another book…
This one is worthy of purchase though!
I got the DEFINITIVE Diary of Anne Frank.
Imma finish it before Amsterdam and then visit the house and
break down.
It already made me teary when Prim, Anne’s Dad, says—
Oops. It’s not Prim. It’s Pim. Where did I get Prim from?….
OH THAT’S RIGHT THE HUNGER GAMES!
Okay.
So Pim says to Anne, who is worrying about when the will
need to go into hiding, “Don’t you worry. We’ll take care of everything. Just
enjoy your carefree life while you can.”
It made me think of this carefree trip I’m on. Or as
everyone tells me, “This trip is once in a lifetime! Make the most of it!”
That’s not a good thing to tell a neurotic person. That is
the worst thing, in fact.
If people would just say to me, “Three months in Europe?
That’s probably gonna suck.” Then I would truly have the time of my life.
So let’s seeeeeeee
Nuremburg was nice. I went to the Nazi Documentation Museum
(which was HUMONGOUS).
Did you know that Mein Kampf was illegal to publish in
Germany until recently?
NO YOU DIDN’T DON’T LIE.
It’s true.
I’m pretty sure.
Then there I saw a lot of the ex-“Nazi Rallying Ground”
places, which is pretty much like looking at a stone floor and trying to ‘get’
that Hitler once stood there. It’s slightly surreal.
One Nazi-built building has been converted into a Burger
King.
Payback.
There are also very strict laws with regards to the Nazi
salute. One tour guide told me it was something like $8,000 fine + kicked out
of Germany for 8 years.
The fact that 8 appears twice in that description leads me
to suspect my amounts are wrong-but it is something INTENSE. Ask that guy
Marcin, he’s smart.
Then for a change of pace I went to THE TOY MUSEUM!
Much, much more cheerful. Until the section on
Nazi-propaganda toys.
Fuck Nazis.
After Nuremberg I went to Dresden.
Dresden’s really cool! (I hate these vague summations)
I went to a museum called “The Hygiene Museum”
I could not convince anyone else to see this museum-it’s not
just about hygiene!
It’s basically a ‘human body’ museum. Of course, the best
section is the ‘human sexuality’ floor where I played a very-easy video game
where my character, a Spanish man who was wearing an extraordinary large
sombrero, made love with a very attractive Spanish woman who was wearing
traditional Flamenco attire.
It struck me as a bit racist BUT you could opt to choose two
men or two women as partners.
I didn’t mean that to sound like you could choose a
threesome (that’s crazy progressive).
I meant like two dudes doing it and two flamenco dancers
doing it.
I don’t know how those guys made love while keeping their
absurdly large sombreros on their heads.
(I don’t really know what progressive means by the way)
Then I got a tour around the Volkswagon Glass Factory (Glass
because the building is pretty much see-through.
It was extremely futuristic and if ‘the terminator’ ever
gets built it will probably be here.
But. Their new cars’ chairs have a massage function built
into them.
And you know seat warming? They have seat cooling.
Damn.
Did you notice I forgot an end parenthesis? Oh wait! I
didn’t) (Bam)
The one sad part is this weekend there is a big music festival in Dresden.
How big?
Fred Fucking Durst is performing. (that's his middle name)
The two bands touring Europe for whom I would drop everything to see are
1. Coldplay
2. Blink 182
Coldplay is my substitute for a best friend on this trip. He really gets me.
I have been watching a lot of soccer.
I have learned that one goal = 1 point.
I will also be cheering for whatever country I’m in-it’s a
version of a fair-weather-fan
It’s a
if-I-cheer-for-a-team-playing-against-the-country-I’m-in
-someone-is-going-to-kick-my-ass-fan
It is safe to say that I have
- watched more soccer
- consumed more beer
- sung more karaoke
in the last monthish than my entire life.
Unless you consider the time I was in the ensemble of Guys and Dolls with a pre-recorded orchestra as a kind of mass-version of karaoke
Don’t know if I remembered to say but I added Dublin and
Galway!
Then home...
Berlin is going to be awesome and I get to see Lena!
Be well,
As one poster said in the ‘human sexuality’ floor of the
Hygeine Museum said,
“A Condom. I take one wherever I take my penis”,
Father’s day is coming up y’all-don’t forget,
Goodnight my someone goodnight,
GM
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