I am sitting in an Apple store just outside of Rome. If you
are seeking cultural diversity-do not go to an Apple store. I feel like I’m in
DC but everyone is talking very vowel-heavy gibberish. I’m not sure how I am
going to get a cab from here and get back to Rome…
The Apple Genius (it’s not Genioso) used a stethoscope to
inspect my phone…He has declared it dead at 1:21 pm.
So where have you been?!
I got into Rome on Saturday. Sunday I went all out tourist
mode, I visited a bunch of statues and fountains in Rome that were all jolly.
It actually was but I truly can’t remember a single name.
I then went on a 2 hour hunt for a place that was described
by one magazine as “The Best Gelato in Roma!”
It was very hard to find…hence the two hour hunt…for a
non-moving prey.
Since I am currently reading Moby Dick (I think I can, I
think I can) I considered my search for “Gelato Teatro” similar to Captain
Ahab’s search for Moby Dick. The only real difference is my journey was on
land. And Gelato tastes much better than whale (though, admittedly, I’ve never
tried whale. I’ve had lobster ice cream so perhaps there is whale gelato? The
best of both worlds? What worlds are those? What am I doing? I don’t know.)
The next day I saw the Coliseum-those gladiator fights were out
of control. Apparently, at one showing, the emperor had 40 bears come out of a
wooden whale mouth to execute deserters publicly. It’s sort of like a dated
“The Voice”.
I need to watch Gladiator again. And hey-the Hunger Games
movie was pretty sick, I’m just sayin’.
After that, I visited a Dali exhibit that had a lot of his
original paintings. I do not think I am aesthetically equipped to enjoy art
fully…but I enjoy his work. Perhaps it is just because there are a lot of
little details to keep my ADD in check or perhaps it’s just weird and I’m
trying to appear hiptothehop to myself.
Then there was a cool Leonardo Da Vinci museum as well where
they constructed some models from his countless notebooks. If I knew anything
about how anything works I’m sure I would have been greatly intrigued.
Then I sinned. I bought a book. I do not need any books. But
they had classics in English for reeeeeally cheap. It’s the first 12 stories of
Sherlock Holmes. It’s not that big, I swear. It was that or Wuthering Heights.
But Moby Dick, Anna Karininininina and
Wuthering Heights in one Eurotrip!? I’m only human.
Tomorrow I am going to the Vatican with the Hostel I’m
staying at (Yellow) where the Pope will hopefully bless me-as long as I am
wearing pants and covering my shoulders.
Three Last Things:
1. I finished Martin Gardner’s Book, “The Why’s of a
Philosophical Scrivener”. It was a wonderfully frustrating book. He was one of
the leading pioneers of skepticism in the last century, a columnist for
Scientific American and was also a philosophical theist/fideist (He passed away
in 2010). I think he is stubbornly black and white with regards to
pantheism-but he’s a wonderfully witty writer and, based on his resume, one of
the last persons you’d think would write about God/god/gods/w/e. For most “Big
Questions” he shrugs and says, as most lay(wo)men would say, “Don’t ask me! I don’t
know!” but does so with decades of investigation to back up his ignorance.
2. In Roma/Italy, you do not need to tip.
Sometimes this is really nice. Sometimes, when the waiter hasn’t stopped by for
over 30 minutes, the reality of impotence sets in. You think to yourself,
“Goddammit! Fine! Don’t get me another 5th espresso! I’ma gonna
leave you such a shitty…Oh…I mean…I’m going to leave the exact price of the
food...which is not only custom but legally required. so there.”
3. I write this hoping you side with me. There were two
merging lines at the Coliseum. In one line were about 20 people in wheelchairs
(each accompanied by a pusher). This was due to either a tour for people in
wheelchairs or an absurd coincidence. Again, These lines were merging. I
merged. All of a sudden a feel a wheelchair clipping my ankles. The man in the
wheel chair says, “sorry, sorry!” The man pushing him says, “Don’t apologize,
it serves him right for cutting. Why don’t you have some respect!” I swear, I
swear, I swear I waited my turn. I even was subconsciously generous (how can it
be subconscious if I recall it? Shut up) in waiting. I proclaim my innocence.
To prevent what was soon to be the first gladiator fight held at the Coliseum
since 573 (the year), I quickly thought of some amazing rhetoric on treating
everyone like equals, traffic laws, and general customs of not using manned
wheelchairs as a weapons of revenge but all that came out was… “you’re an
asshole.” (to the guy pushing the wheelchair) then apologizing (to the man in
the wheelchair), him apologizing to me, evil looks between the pusher and me,
apology to man in the wheelchair again, then crying in a corner…
I SWEAR I WAITED!!!
hold me.
Today is chill day-I clipped nails, shaved, laundry, saw no
sights. Every traveler needs one every week or so. Tonight I hope to go to a
disco techa. Tomorrow is Vatican. Tomorrow night I head to Florence! That is if
I can find a cab at this Italian mall and get back to Rome…
Thank you for reading. Be well.
GM
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