Bongiorno!
(that's corny)
Okay so a couple thoughts on my newly born blog since I've been walking A LOT:
1. I'm going to curse. I was talking to a friend recently about transparency (not like Fantastic Four-like there is no such thing as privacy with facebook, google, phone hacking, people installing cameras in my bathroom) (screw the rule of three) and how it will affect our social lives. He mentioned some friends of his (actors) often (probably just once) sent videos over the web portraying personal performances that most parents would prefer be private. "How Odd!" he exclaimed "that people who one day want to be 'famous' would post this when presumably they wouldn't want this as part of their public persona in their fantastical improbable futures". I supplicated his pontification, exclaiming, "We find ourselves stark naked yet shackled to pre-transparency morality". Then Bertrand Russell appeared in the sky, disproving many of his own thoughts, and gave us both Rhodes Scholarships to Oxford. Back to my first point. I'm going to curse and generally try to speak from something as close to my true point of view as I can muster. Why? Because it would be futile to pretend I'm anything I'm not. I mean, how many people have watched my stand-up? (the answer is 211 as of 7:11 PM, Sicily) (197 of those is me checking how many people have watched my stand-up) The cat out of the bag (perhaps a polite purse?). Also, to quote Eminem, a prominent influence on the development of my moral code, "I just don't give a fuck".
2. Occasionally I'm going to try to be serious. It's probably not going to happen but if it does...don't freak out. I'll say something to undermine whatever it is I said almost immediately
3. For real, I'm gonna try to not undermine what I say if it strays into the serious realm.
4. I'm pretentious.
5. Dammit. I tried. It's a work in progress.
SO back to Italy.
Yesterday I was still in Catania. I woke up early and went into the fish market. I saw a very old man wash his hands in a pool of dead fish. mmm. There were also baby lambs that were sliced in half. It made me want to become a vegetarian. Later that night I saw some lamb chops. It made me want to only eat lamb for the rest of my life.
For real, I don't know if I would eat meat if I had to prepare it myself. My voice teacher's husband, Dimitri Petropoulos, grew up in Greece (wow, that's a tangent...) (no wait!). Where he grew up, all young boys were given a baby pig to raise. Somewhere in their teens, after growing up with said pig for many years as a companion, their 'passage/coming-to-adulthood/vagueterm' was to slaughter the pig. Holy shit. To become a MAN would you rather kill your best-friend-pig or go to Hebrew School for a whole bunch of years and then have all your friends buy your presents? Okay. I'd kill the pig. But still! I don't know if I'd eat meat if I had to kill animals. Or I'd be one of those vegetarians who lets himself eat bacon.
Ethically and morally (I've been explained the difference but I forget) speaking-I think eating meat is indefensible. Gustatorily speaking-prosciutto is amazing.
On that food note, I have gained 72 pounds since I've been here (it's been almost 3 days). I tried to take it light yesterday and order some Prosciutto and melone for lunch. What did they bring me? Prosciutto and melone and a HUMONGOUS LOAF OF BREAD FOR FREE. If you put bread within 3 yards of my mouth-hole I will eat it. If it is free I will not be subsequently arrested.
Final notes on Catania:
WHERE'S THE FUCKING STREET SIGNS! I get it. It's very fancy to carve them (very) infrequently into walls in a way that is only visible from 1 foot away. You're bellissima. I, however, am now in Greece because I took a wrong turn on...let's see what is it...where's the goddamn sign...WHERE AM I.
Rosetta Stone actually helped me a little. I know how to say straight, right, left, eat, water, I, thank you, ball, and tie. Totally worth the $300.
speaking of thank you. I have probably said thank you (Grazie) more times in the last three days than I have in my entire life. You can take that two different ways:
1. I'm incredibly ungrateful.
2. I've asked for directions A LOT.
NOW Giardini Naxos and Taormina.
I'm staying at Gianni House. WOO! It's awesome.
I ate some Gelato. I bought this cardboard Sponge Bob that supposedly danced when near music. It's actually operated by a string but I didn't know that when I paid 5 Euros for it. I opened it to have it dance to my iphone and there was a card in it that said "HA!". I'm a fool.
Today (by the way...I've been mixing up stuff I did today and yesterday...don't try to keep track) I went to Mount Edna. The Jeeps that takes you all the way up was not operating. I hiked it. There was a lot of snow. I didn't quite make it to the top (my bus was leaving). I heard there was someone who once got 100 feet from the top of Everest but had to give up because he would have died if he finished. Maybe he and I can one day have a beer (two straws) and share our failures. Running down that snowy mountain is the closest I will ever come to skiing. I got sunburn. Usually snow and sunburn don't go together. They don't form Reese's Pieces when mixed.
Tomorrow I will hopefully take a train to Milazzo, a boat to the Aeolian islands and the next day do some kind of mud bath thingie (which I read somewhere is radioactive...I should probably do some more research).
Tonight, Gianni is making all his hostel-ers dinner!
Almost done with Hornet's Nest and Martin Gardner explaining WHY he's not an aesthetic and ethical relativist.
Let me know if you have any questions, comments, or want to book me for a broadway show.
Kisses.
GM
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