May 15th-20th Florence and Milan

[Insert clever opening that excites while at the same time eliciting deep philosophical reflection here]

I went to the Vatican. Holy shit! (get it!). That place is huge.

The tour guide said that if you looked at each piece of artwork in the Vatican for 60 seconds each it would take you..

(drumroll)

79 days!

NO! That’s around what I thought he’d say. The real answer is 12 years.

Vatican needs to share the love. That’s redonkulous.

So I’m still at the Vatican as I type this…I don’t know why I’m waiting an arbitrary 60 seconds for some of this stuff…the Sistine Chapel is worth 23 seconds tops.

Okay, the Sistine Chapel was incredible but it hurts your neck to enjoy it (that’s what I said). Do you know the painting of Jesus deciding who goes to hell and who goes to heaven (The Judgement, is it called?) (I’m Yoda) (Jesus, what happened to turn the other cheek!)? Well, one of the Pope’s pals was upset that there was too much nudity in Michelangelo’s paintings (note: One frame has Eve either pre or post beej) and complained. In retaliation, Michelangelo drew a demon-thingie in the bottom right corner with the same features as this guy with a snake biting his jonk. Awesome.  

I have since been Florence/Firenze. Why in God/god/gods/w/e’s name do we have a translation of a location? When my train got into Firenze I thought I had missed my stop!

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Florence was very nice. I sang Billy Joel at a Karaoke bar for the-

Hold up. I’m on a train and they just gave me free Espresso and cookies. Yes.

So I sang Piano Man for the 2^nd time at a Karaoke bar. Then I was going to do Lose Yourself but someone else took it…Maybe I should make it a euro goal to do Piano Man 10 times before I come home? Or a life goal of 100 times. Or! Create a musical of only Billy Joel music where I play from an elevated position and have very attractive people dance below me! Sorry…the Espresso’s got me excited.

I saw the David. Totally delivered. It should be noted that there is a seating area behind the David (can I be called the Gianmarco for now on?) so that one may simple stare at his ass.

Question? Sure. Why are all these statues so ripped? Was everyone in amazing shape?

I have seen one statue of a very heavy man sitting on a large turtle-that’s it. Everyone else must have been doing P90XCXXIV (ROMAN NUMERALS JOKE!)

So Sistine deliever, which is italian for delivered, David delivered but what about the LEANING TOWER OF FUCKING PIZA!

Well…imagine a building. Perhaps look outside and see one for yourself. Then imagine it leaning slightly. No! Not too much. Just slightly. WE JUST HAD THE SAME AWESOME EXPERIENCE.

I did walk up to the top which is fun if you like recreational exercise mixed with nausea.

The best part was seeing people to the classic “I’m holding up the tower!” picture.

The saddest part was attempting said picture all by myself.

I’m off to Milan to see the opening night of an Opera (I forget the name…) at La Scala!

I have black jeans, nike sneakers, and a very wrinkly button down blue shirt. I don’t know what dress code is like but I have a feeling I’ll be underdressing even if I were in a nudist colony. Maybe I’ll just wear my purple Swets (my brand name for a future sweat pants store) and really enjoy myself.

From Milan to Venice to Verona to Vienna to Prague to Salzburg to Germany to Netherlands to Belgium to France to Spain to Portugal to either Greece, Ireland or Scotland? Please let me know if you have an opinion or a thought on this. I’ll have the speicifics for Germany and the like soon.

Thank you for reading. You are beautiful no matter what they say.

GM

Oh yeah! My fucking phone got stolen. Sorry Lena-I’ll send script when I get new one on Sunday unless you can get your hands on Heidi Chronicles! FMLife is beautiful.